New Beginnings

Salvete! My name is Sarah Elizabeth and I have no big red dog, not even a little one, named Clifford. You may call me Ara. If you are reading this then you are most likely family, possibly friends, and by chance you clicked on random blog and this is what you got. Frankly, I am not quite sure how entertaining this will be for any of you. I cannot promise updates, but hope for one every two weeks.
This autumn began a new book of my life, as I entered Smith College in Northampton, Massachusetts as a 1st semester Junior. My major of study is English w/ a possible Archaeology or Latin Classics minor. For the fall semester I am taking the following classes: Elementary Hebrew, Beginner's Latin, Introduction to Archaeology, Methods of Literary Study, Western Classics: Homer to Dante, and a phys. ed. course Kung Fu. All of my classes are a joy to my life and the Prof. are wonderful! They are the part where I am overly delighted to be here studying at Smith. In addition to my classes I am participating in Novice Crew and Chorus.
I am not sure I realize how big of a change it is for me to be here. It has hit me in the face like a brick wall and when I recover from stars I may finally awaken to a world new and unknown. Trying to relate my life to life here, it just doesn't work. There is a saying of the "smith bubble" because there is little prejudice and discrimination here where we the students and townspeople in Northampton can be ourselves, whoever we be, and be safe from the persecution of the rest of the world. Though that is a bit generalized, I wonder how good it is to shelter the students in such an environment.
This college is more liberal, in behaviour, than I had been expecting. I shall accept that it may be a good experience for me, even though I have several issues of modern behaviour - to experience them is the only way to learn. I may pass on scarce clothing for convocation next year though, perhaps dressing head to toe for extreme contrast. The students are loud and ruckus, and though I imagine it is good for them to express themselves in semi-controlled ways I wonder if they understand the concept of respect. A few of the acquaintances I have made over the last month are becoming friends and I am enjoying the change. As I become more accustomed to life here I find myself smiling a little more and accepting the behaviour of the students, coming to grasps of the openness and comfort we have here at Smith. I believe this will be a wonderful experience in my life.

I have settled in at Smith College and classes start tomorrow.

Sometimes I find myself wondering what I have gotten myself into.

I retaliate with the thought that perhaps this is where I am suppose to be, perhaps this will be good for me.

I couldn't imagine being in any other house here at Smith.

I can imagine being at other colleges.

I wonder if any of them are really different.

I didn't want a party college. I'm at one. Time will tell how often. Tonight is Convocation, I suppose I can let it slide.

I believe in close-toed shoes, skirts below the knees, and never would have imagined myself only wearing a scarf for a top and a short skirt.

It was my choice. I have always been at opposition to myself.

I find I don't know where I'll be.

Smith College. A world in its own. A bubble, blocking out the hostility of society.

Is it really a good idea to do that?

I shall save my final opinion to the end of this year.

When I first arrived, it was different then I thought it would be. Different, but better.

I am no longer sure if it is better. I am no longer sure that I am not lowering my standards to be here.

I almost feel that Smith lies in their presentation of their college.

Time will tell.

Cheers.

Personal Life - Friends

I have been and am doing well, for the most part. Life is a rollar coaster, rarely boring, can be thrilling, sometimes fun, sometimes tedious, and it never stops. No jumping off this bandwagon. Friends come and go, or more accurately, I migrate. I miss a few that I have not spen time with lately, at the samtime I think about why I don't spend time with them. People have these little nuances that creep under my skin. Parts of their personality and behaviour disgusts me, and I see at as pathetic. I find it unacceptable, find them unworthy. I stretch my tolerance like a rubber band, but its dry and cracked and my resistance doesn't last long. I use to think I was just too picky. What I relaly need is a healthy dose of reminder, the reason I do not associate with them any longer or for prolonged periods of time. I do not like who they are. They are not who I imagined them to be or who they were pretending to be. They shed their skin and are entirely unknown. It doesn't mean they are vile, descipable creatures with a lack of morals, they just... were not who I thought them to be, not what I was reaching out for, a persona to add to my world. Expectations makes reality worse. Realizations of the world, its harsh. People, you and I, we do not always live in the same world. I have been spending the last couple months with a large circle of friends, and I find thus far it takes no effort to tolerate them. In fact, I enjoy it, I don't yearn for it out of obsession, and it is healthier that way. Sometimes there is only a few of us, but I think I can handle it. Then again, with how many people there usually are around, they could still end up ripping off their masks and being a clash of colours to my life. Only time shall tell.

A healthy dose of reminder

Beads

I am sorting beads.

I have thought for a while that I have wanted to make jewelry.

It was finally last week at ACMoore that I purchased some glass beads, clasps, and nylon string.

This past thursday my sister and I sat in our aunt's living room and stringed bracelets.

It was sweet.

Life's Trap

To convey what I am, how can it be done? I am life and death, tortured with curiousity. I feel pain, but never enough. Alone in this world. Never been seen. Never ever noticed. Never tell a word. Cold. Tortured. Sad.

How I ever wish of life beyond this world. Of fire, dreams, and tears.

The feelings captured within me have no impression of itself in words. The thoughts that scroll across my mind are confuddled and twisted.

How do I say, that I fear myself? Without invoking terror, and uproar, and claims of understanding that are pure utter blasphemy.

I am too afriad to say. To afriad to give you the chance and find you unworthy, but I fear that you will not understand if I do not say. If I remain in my mindset of keeping my thoughts to myself that I will push you away. I realize I must take the chance. I must. For what else is there for me to do? I do not have you, and yet I cannot bare to lose you.

I cry and I don't know why.

Will you catch my tears?

Never Coherent

What is in this world that we live for? There are things happening in my life. Perhaps this is the end, the beginning, or dead continuation of what I have lived so far. I don't want to be some things that I am. Life, is taking upon itself to live. Is it good? Or will it ruin me? I don't think it even matters. As long as I enjoy the time I have on this Earth, does it really matter if it is cut short. Will I cry? The sun drips down from the sky. Feelings, I wonder why.

Failed

As one may notice my plan of semi-daily updates of my life failed before it begun. Perhaps I shall make the attempt after this semester, since I rather doubt it's occurrence in the next few weeks. Actually, I have a newsletter to organize... which I honestly haven't really begun. The first issue is due at the end of April.
This past week was Spring Break which I spent about an hour south of New Orleans in the town of Boothville helping along with twenty-three others to rebuild the community. We twenty-four became a community of our own, I felt that I had 17 sisters and 7 brothers with two bathrooms. ><;; At any rate... I should shut-up and do my work.

~ Sarah.