You're a Fool

This is no fool’s joke
This is life
The blood, the breath, the screams
We walk amongst each other
Judging, hating, fearing
We are the worst that we can be
We proclaim the best
We mock when we are not alone
We tremble when there is no one with us
We fear brothers, sisters, grandfathers, and nannies
What for it, should we not also fear ourselves
We are but cattle to our souls
They rule us, They kill us
Trust, Betrayal, Neither can exist without the other
The worst in us makes us who we are
We ignore, we hurt others, and we walk away
As if it were all a dream

What does it feel like
To know life is not a dream?

Hatred

If you don't know me, I'm the girl with a dream.
As children we dream of prince charming.
As teens it changes to orgasms and trouble.
We all find our way to drugs;
We withdraw, we commit, and we play pretend.
Budding into adulthood we look to
our friends, our family, and even strangers.
We are molded, we are compelled.


Justified.

Who is the real m&m?

Who is the real m&m?

• Plain
• Peanut
• Other

View Results
Create a Blog Poll

Cage.Cage.Cage.Cage.CAGE!

Hmm, well now, that did not work very well, did it? This semester in someways has been better, but in most ways worst. I am allergic to something (presumably), I receive very little sleep (and I thought last semester was bad!), there is not a day that is not something of something, and I hate it here.

I feel locked in a zoo, and I am only one of few sane animals.

This is not the place I though it would be; they misrepresent themselves.

I am trying to run away.

Sometimes, I am okay with being here, in fact I am even optimistic that it can be better here, especially next year in a different house with different people. I think i am only kidding myself. I am never going to want to come back after this semester. But waht if I have to? What if the colleges I have applied to do not accept me?

Trapped. Trapped. Trapped. Trapped. TRAPPED!

New Beginnings

Salvete! My name is Sarah Elizabeth and I have no big red dog, not even a little one, named Clifford. You may call me Ara. If you are reading this then you are most likely family, possibly friends, and by chance you clicked on random blog and this is what you got. Frankly, I am not quite sure how entertaining this will be for any of you. I cannot promise updates, but hope for one every two weeks.
This autumn began a new book of my life, as I entered Smith College in Northampton, Massachusetts as a 1st semester Junior. My major of study is English w/ a possible Archaeology or Latin Classics minor. For the fall semester I am taking the following classes: Elementary Hebrew, Beginner's Latin, Introduction to Archaeology, Methods of Literary Study, Western Classics: Homer to Dante, and a phys. ed. course Kung Fu. All of my classes are a joy to my life and the Prof. are wonderful! They are the part where I am overly delighted to be here studying at Smith. In addition to my classes I am participating in Novice Crew and Chorus.
I am not sure I realize how big of a change it is for me to be here. It has hit me in the face like a brick wall and when I recover from stars I may finally awaken to a world new and unknown. Trying to relate my life to life here, it just doesn't work. There is a saying of the "smith bubble" because there is little prejudice and discrimination here where we the students and townspeople in Northampton can be ourselves, whoever we be, and be safe from the persecution of the rest of the world. Though that is a bit generalized, I wonder how good it is to shelter the students in such an environment.
This college is more liberal, in behaviour, than I had been expecting. I shall accept that it may be a good experience for me, even though I have several issues of modern behaviour - to experience them is the only way to learn. I may pass on scarce clothing for convocation next year though, perhaps dressing head to toe for extreme contrast. The students are loud and ruckus, and though I imagine it is good for them to express themselves in semi-controlled ways I wonder if they understand the concept of respect. A few of the acquaintances I have made over the last month are becoming friends and I am enjoying the change. As I become more accustomed to life here I find myself smiling a little more and accepting the behaviour of the students, coming to grasps of the openness and comfort we have here at Smith. I believe this will be a wonderful experience in my life.

I have settled in at Smith College and classes start tomorrow.

Sometimes I find myself wondering what I have gotten myself into.

I retaliate with the thought that perhaps this is where I am suppose to be, perhaps this will be good for me.

I couldn't imagine being in any other house here at Smith.

I can imagine being at other colleges.

I wonder if any of them are really different.

I didn't want a party college. I'm at one. Time will tell how often. Tonight is Convocation, I suppose I can let it slide.

I believe in close-toed shoes, skirts below the knees, and never would have imagined myself only wearing a scarf for a top and a short skirt.

It was my choice. I have always been at opposition to myself.

I find I don't know where I'll be.

Smith College. A world in its own. A bubble, blocking out the hostility of society.

Is it really a good idea to do that?

I shall save my final opinion to the end of this year.

When I first arrived, it was different then I thought it would be. Different, but better.

I am no longer sure if it is better. I am no longer sure that I am not lowering my standards to be here.

I almost feel that Smith lies in their presentation of their college.

Time will tell.

Cheers.

Personal Life - Friends

I have been and am doing well, for the most part. Life is a rollar coaster, rarely boring, can be thrilling, sometimes fun, sometimes tedious, and it never stops. No jumping off this bandwagon. Friends come and go, or more accurately, I migrate. I miss a few that I have not spen time with lately, at the samtime I think about why I don't spend time with them. People have these little nuances that creep under my skin. Parts of their personality and behaviour disgusts me, and I see at as pathetic. I find it unacceptable, find them unworthy. I stretch my tolerance like a rubber band, but its dry and cracked and my resistance doesn't last long. I use to think I was just too picky. What I relaly need is a healthy dose of reminder, the reason I do not associate with them any longer or for prolonged periods of time. I do not like who they are. They are not who I imagined them to be or who they were pretending to be. They shed their skin and are entirely unknown. It doesn't mean they are vile, descipable creatures with a lack of morals, they just... were not who I thought them to be, not what I was reaching out for, a persona to add to my world. Expectations makes reality worse. Realizations of the world, its harsh. People, you and I, we do not always live in the same world. I have been spending the last couple months with a large circle of friends, and I find thus far it takes no effort to tolerate them. In fact, I enjoy it, I don't yearn for it out of obsession, and it is healthier that way. Sometimes there is only a few of us, but I think I can handle it. Then again, with how many people there usually are around, they could still end up ripping off their masks and being a clash of colours to my life. Only time shall tell.

A healthy dose of reminder